What’s the best way to conquer our Fears?

There is a technique called Fear Setting.
It’s very simple, yet extremely effective.
Ready? Here it is:

1) Describe the worst possible outcomes you can come up with

Let’s pick something common: Asking someone out in public.

You see this gorgeous Lady standing on a bus, looking at her phone, reading a book or listening to music. She is mesmerizing. You could look at her for all eternity, and still be charmed by her sun-like energy.
You’re certain: She is the Woman of your Dreams.

So what do you do?

Fidget with your phone, turn your head away and try to ignore what you see. But you can’t, because your eyes are endlessly trying to look at her beautiful face.

Here comes the trick:
See yourself messing it up completely.

As you approach her, you start mumbling because you’re stunned by her beauty. She looks at you and calls you a freak. You freeze. She shouts:
“Get away from me, pig!” – and the whole bus starts laughing.
You get off at the next stop in tears, feeling defeated and pissed.
Everything you hoped for is now gone and your Life is in ruins.
Aaaand cut. Stop right here.

2) Think of ways to prevent what you’ve just seen

Alright, so how can you approach her without blowing it?

Think of a line you’re going to open with.
Can’t come up with anything? Pull out your phone and type this in:
A) “Best ways to start talking to girls in public”
B) “How to approach a girl on a bus”
C) “3 Steps to Instantly Conquer your Fears”
Found anything useful or funny? Chances are, you did.
Leave the “It has to be original!” to your wedding. You don’t need to give a TED talk about her qualities, all you need is a way to avoid being clumsy.
Can you see yourself doing it? If not, let’s check out the possibilities:

3) Consider the pros of action and the cons of missing it

What if She’s charmed by your bravery? After all, how many times you’ve seen a guy do this? Not many, I believe.
You can’t deny that it’s a possibility. Just like screwing it, a coin has two sites in every case. Without leaving the trails of reality, She could also be lonely; and would love to go on a date with someone who has the balls to ask for it. These are still reasonable options, regardless of what fear whispers in your ears.
You could be 5 steps and 20 words away from finding yourself in a restaurant with a bottle of Rosé; and a smile that makes your heart race.
Can you imagine? Of course you can, it’s called daydreaming.
The only difference between that and reality is taking the opportunity.

But let’s NOT take it, shall we?
Just keep sitting there, ponder about “how good would it be” and quickly come up with endless scenarios of how easily it could go sideways if you tried with anything. Don’t even think about approaching – just listen to the little voice telling you how you’re going to blow it.
Oh wow, you’re good at this!
You’ve successfully convinced yourself that talking to another human being is impossible without stuttering. Luckily you see her signaling the driver, which means She is going to leave. This is your chance! Don’t move, stay in your seat! Let the opportunity slip and feel the intense relief the second She leaves.
“Good god, what a disaster I’ve avoided today!”
Congratulations, you made it.
Not a single bruise on your self-esteem.

That’s how you save yourself from the chance of having a wonderful evening with a charming Woman like She is. The threat of a dinner, wine and a warm smile of a Lady has passed, and you’ve survived all of it.
No chance for going on a date, falling in Love, getting married and having kids. All of those thrown away, because some strangers on the bus would see you try to grow balls for the first time in History.

All of these are possibilities. The only difference is that while humiliation might make a few wounds on your self-esteem – you forgot to ask yourself what happened to the ones you got while you were trying to learn cycling. Those wounds and bruises have already healed, and now you can cycle without any difficulty.

Taking your chances is the exact same thing.

It can hurt for a minute, but a chance can turn into a date; end up in Love and marriage – which certainly outweighs the pain you may experience by choosing courage and doing what your heart says.

In the end, you’ll be proud for doing it.

Take care,
Erik

PS: For the “Who are you to talk about these things?” / “Give us some credibility!” kind of people:
I’ve won the award for the clumsiest dude of the Century while I tried to ask out a Lady, and the experience indelibly burned into my brain.
You can’t do worse than this. Trust me.