There is nothing more beautiful than existence.

Today I had the opportunity to experience psychedelics for the first time.
Through Mexican truffles, to be exact.

In this article I’ll give you a clear image of how it felt like, including the highlights and the insights – as close to reality as the English language allows me to describe.

We took about 10 grams, that is the suggested amount for the first time.
They looked like dirty walnuts, and their degree of density was alike. The taste was mildly sour, somewhere between a lemon and an orange. Chewing is very important, it helps the active substance to release, so the body can absorb it more easily.
The excitement grew with every swallowed bit.

Everything was ready. The room was spacious and well lit. There were little light bulbs on the wall, changing colors continuously. It was 2 o’ clock, some sunlight still came in through the windows, as we were getting cozy on the bed with a big blanket and a soft pillow. For music, the Legendary Otis was chosen to guide our tour – His style was soul, rhythm and blues. Haven’t heard such a beautiful voice ever since I was born.

If there is food in your stomach, it’ll slow down the process and delay the effects. It’s definitely not a taboo, but it can weaken the experience.
It’s supposed to kick in after half an hour, and gradually build up in the next two. There is enough time to feel “introduced” to what is about to come. From then on, our journey unfolds.

After 40 minutes, I started to experience it.
At first, it was extremely funny. There weren’t any visuals yet, but things made me laugh very easily. The lamps, the wall, even my own breathing. My abs started to hurt, but that didn’t stop me from giggling. I would just smile endlessly, to the point where my cheeks were burning.
It was a wonderful way to kick off the trip.

A surprising discovery was that it didn’t do anything with the body. When you get drunk or smoke weed, there are physical symptoms to deal with, like dizziness or problems with moving. Here, everything remained the same. The sense of weight, balance, rate of heartbeat, breathing – no one of those changed. Only the perception. The way you felt things.

Time started to slow down gradually – even a few seconds could feel like minutes. Things weren’t in slow-mo, but it felt like I’ve been thinking for centuries, yet it’s been only an hour in reality. I covered my eyes with a sweater and laid down completely, that’s when the visuals first came in. It was quite interesting to feel colors without actually seeing any. Different faces, patterns and shapes appeared when I kept it closed, and everything disappeared the second I opened it. I saw Benjamin Franklin on a dollar bill, the amazon forest with matte black jaguars in it – I saw their yellow eyes stare at me, before they turned into a face of a Woman, the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. Her chin was smooth, the eyebrows were thin, lightly rosy cheeks and emerald eyes with slightly open lips. I could’ve looked at it for a Lifetime and still wouldn’t get bored of it. It slowly started to shift into the faces of women I’ve kissed. I saw them right in front of me, every single one of them was a flawless beauty.

The visuals changed into feelings. I could tell the exact place of every emotion in my body. The thoughts of Love gave me the feeling of a river flowing through the side of my chest-plate, precisely where the left part of my heart is. I saw the intimate moments I’ve had with the people who were the closest to me, how I held them in my arms, or how they laid next to me. I could feel their silk-like skin and soft hands on my body.

It felt like being in a time machine. I could just jump in, pick a memory and relive it entirely. My mind brought me to places I haven’t seen in years. I could just walk into my old classroom from 2nd grade and meet all my classmates. I saw their young faces, their little bodies. I could walk around the benches where I studied for years. The teacher, the chalkboard, the lamps on the ceiling – I could see everything. The World felt so big. A decade ago I lived in a simple city in Hungary, and now I’m in the Netherlands, speaking a different language, hanging out with people who didn’t even know that I exist until very recently.

Life seemed more and more intricate with every passing minute. There are almost 8 billion lives on Earth, and each of us has a unique perspective on how things are or what’s our purpose. Suddenly things weren’t so serious. There are just too many things. I touched my necklace, and started to wonder: “Where did it come from? – at what part of the World was this obsidian stone formed?“

We all have an origin, a place where we come from – and a destination, where our journey leads us. It felt like a philosophy degree for 12 euros.
I kept traveling to places I thought were long lost, such as childhood memories and the feelings that I had a couple of years ago.
It was fascinating to remember who I was and what I’ve done – I could barely recognize the thoughts and ideas that used to occupy my mind all day long. “Did I change or did I grow?“
At one point I tried to travel into the future too, but my brain wouldn’t let me so. There is a certain amount of control that keeps you comfortable and helps you stay away from trouble, but mostly it’s just going with the flow. It’s a journey, an exploration. I couldn’t really foresee what was about to happen, the next step was almost always unknown.
Living in the moment would describe it the most. I could lead my mind to indulge in memories and it would allow me to, but if a sudden tune seemed more interesting, it would just drop everything and focus on the music from then on. It was exciting and unpredictable, there was no way I could know which direction my mind would wander the next second, but the transition was always smooth.

There are just too many things to explore.
Each visual in itself is a miracle, unique and beautiful.
Each sound is different and magical.
Every feeling, every thought is extraordinary and special.
The bites you take, the tastes on your tongue are peculiar and unrepeatable.
This very moment has never happened before, and it’ll never happen again either.
Remember that the next time you find yourself wasting it.
Whenever you stumble upon something that makes you happy, dive in it, absorb it.
Take your time to enjoy it.

That was the conclusion, actually.
Life is an exploration, and not even a thousand Lifetimes would be enough to explore everything.

This epiphany made me realize how lucky I am.
I’ve never been so happy about the fact that I exist.
That I saw what I saw, felt what I felt. Let it be hell or heaven, those things are a part of me, and there is nothing more beautiful than having the opportunity to experience them.

This is what I’ve learned, and I hope you’ll find it valuable as well.
It was, without a doubt, one of the most profound experiences I’ve ever had.
Now, here are some notes on how to get best out of it, if you decide to experiment with it as well:

1) Make sure you’re feeling great, it’ll boost that.
It can work as an amplifier. If you’re happy, chances are it’s going to be amazing. If you’re feeling tired, sad or anxious about things, it’s better to pass on it and wait.
2) Choose a comfortable place.
A soft bed and pillows, or a blanket if you’re in nature. This will make sure that your experience is not disturbed by discomfort, and the environment is there to enhance all the good moments you’ll have.
3) Spend it in a good company.
Not only this will give you a sense of security, that you’re surrounded with those whom you trust in, but it’ll also provide a great opportunity to share your experiences, or to discuss the insights, epiphanies.
4) Mind the quantity.
It can be tempting to just take a lot in, though making sure that you’re comfortable with the amount you’re using is never a bad thing. You can always take more if you feel the need for it, so there is no reason to overdo it, especially if this is your first time trying it.
5) Do what feels good.
One of the most amazing things is that you can explore a lot, both about yourself and the things you enjoy doing. Let it be singing, dancing, eating or storytelling, you’ll be surprised by how such an experience can give an insight or help you discover new hobbies. Mind the environment, but don’t be limited by it – let your curiosity do it’s thing.

Safety measures:
If you don’t feel well, regardless of all the preparations, here are some tips to counter it:
– Change the setting, such as lights, music, temperature or place.
– Have some sugar at hand, it’ll weaken the effects and shorten the period of the trip. It’s a good plan B, so don’t forget to have some juice or chocolate laying around, just in case.
– Take off the next day, or at least try to avoid situations that can be overwhelming. You might feel a bit tired after the trip, and you probably want to have some time for yourself to think about what you’ve felt or seen.
– DON’T MIX. It’s better to avoid taking in anything that can influence your mood or mental state, especially if this is your first trip.

May you have a wonderful journey while you exist.
Take care,
Erik

2019.12.29 – Day 342