“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”

Chinese Proverb

It all started with a simple agreement: We’re going to cook something new every week – most likely dinner.
The only rule is that we have to follow a recipe, whether from a cookbook or from the internet.
That’s how we’re going to Master the Kitchen.

He already made an incredible meal to celebrate my 500^th day here, and now it was time to return the favor.

– Vanavond ga ik iets lekker koken [Tonight I’m going to cook something delicious]
I made a promise, now there’s no turning back. A Man keeps his word, no matter how hard it gets.

I went through the fridge to assess what we have.
“I challenge you to cook in this today” – he hands me an oven dish, and walks away.
“…Make a lasagna” comes the last comment from the other side of the apartment.

So I jumped in front my laptop and found this: Vegetarian Lasagna with Eggs
The whole recipe was in Dutch, and that’s exactly what I needed.

I already got stuck at the first step.

To make tomato sauce, it said, I had to put a little cross on the bottom of the tomaten¹, then put them in boiling water and let the skin curl or tear around the X’s. Pull them out, put it under cold water and peel them. Simple on paper, but I still had to watch a YouTube video that visually explains that.
After I placed the tomatoes in the boiling water, it didn’t break or curl at all even after a whole minute.
*My flatmate walks in*
– It’s impossible to mess this up, why is it not working?
“Idk, good luck” – and he leaves the kitchen
At that moment the skin popped, so I could finally remove them from the pan and peel them in a bowl full of cold water.

Step 1: Done.
Step 2: Cut eggplant & zucchini into ~0,5 cm slices while the tomatoes are boiling.

Ah yes, multitasking. The tomatoes were already boiled and peeled, so I calmly walked into my room and grabbed a high school kit ruler to measure the slices I’m cutting.
At this point I wondered whether any Chef on Earth has ever done that before they became phenomenal in the kitchen. They probably didn’t, but it’s only the beginning, so shame is off the menu today.

Step 3: Place the tomatoes, oregano, basil, salt and pepper in a blender, then add a dash of olive oil.
– What the fuck is a dash? – I thought to myself.
Then stressfully googled that as well. No results, not a single entry that would explain that.
– Yo, what’s a scheutje² of oil? Google says it’s a “dash”, but that doesn’t help

He explained it with his hand. Just a touch, bending the bottle for a moment.
Nice, we’re almost there.
The ingredients were in a bowl, so I grabbed the staff mixer and a plate to defend myself from the flying pieces.

I felt like a true spartan, shielding myself from all the blood that splashes everywhere in the kitchen.
You should’ve seen that.
Plot twist: It didn’t cut shit in the end.
The mixer couldn’t tear the tomato’s flesh, and the plate didn’t protect my pants.
“Why don’t you use the Blender?“
– Because we don’t have one
“Yes we do, it’s there”
What is a better example for being a lazy cooker, if you haven’t even explored the items in your own kitchen after 2 months of living here?

After a long facepalm, I poured the stuff in the blender, ignoring the messed up wall with red spots everywhere.
The blender worked, the sauce was done in 10 seconds.

Step 4: Place the eggplant slices on the bottom and spread 1/3 of the sauce on that.
I carefully placed in the zucchini (yes, I blatantly mixed up the two vegetables), and wanted to pour the delicious tomato sauce layer, so I started to turn the plastic cup of the blender to lift it from the engine
*SPLASH*

I just stood there in silence. This picture describes my pain better than any word I could ever put on paper.


Under 30 minutes, I successfully demolished the kitchen, and we were not going to have the promised dinner.
I was on a verge of mental breakdown, about to collapse.
– It’s gone. – I walked into his room to present the facts
“You mean it’s almost done*?“
– No, it’s gone. We’re not going to have lasagna for dinner. I fucked up the kitchen.
“What are we going to eat then?” He says, laughing like hell
– I don’t know. Toasted bread with cheese on it” My face was serious and my soul was dead.

He bursts into laughter, almost falling out of his chair.
I walked into the living room and stared at the wall for 5 minutes.
“If I went to the grocery store, bought tomatoes and started again… Nah, fuck this, not gonna do that”

And in that moment, it hit me.
If I give up at the very first step, how am I ever going to become a [self-proclaimed] Chef?
How am I going to achieve anything meaningful in Life if I already give up because my tomato sauce spilled?
I promised a delicious dinner, and I had to figure out a way to deliver.
No more self-pity and anger, it’s not going to help.
What would, on the other hand, is if I solved the problem, because then I can write a proper Story about how retarded I was when I first started. In a few years, I can look back on a long journey after making 50, 300 and a 1000 dishes.

To cool down a little, I started with the kitchen. Wipe down the shit from the walls, the floor, the blender. When the mess was gone, I had to figure out how to finish what I started.
I looked in the fridge, and there were cherry tomatoes sitting in the back.
“BINGO!” I shouted, and tossed all of them in the blender.
Re-spiced them with the oregano and all that, pressed the button, and it was actually just as juicy, even with the skin still on them.

This time I lifted the whole fucking blender without spilling a drop of the delicious sauce I just made, and gently poured 1/3 of it on the zucchini slices.
Now a layer of paprika, eggplants, etc. Spread some cheese on it and throw it in the oven.

My roommate didn’t even come out, the food was supposed to be ready around 5, and it was over 6 at the moment. After 30 minutes the bell rang, I pulled it out, cracked the eggs on top, grated some extra Parmesan as a final touch and placed it back for an extra 6-7 minutes.

When I lifted it out, my mouth was wide open:

The nightmare was over.
– Come to eat
“It’s done?”
– Yea

We sat out and silently consumed the fruit of my labor, which was actually not bad.
– I was close to leave the house, go for a walk and let the whole kitchen there to rot.
“But did you have fun?” He asks with a smile
– I…learned a lot.

Both of us starts to laugh as we eat the rest of the lasagna.

This was Recipe #1, see you on the adventure for 999 more.
Take care and cook well.
Erik

Dutch Dictionary:
Tomaten¹ – Tomatoes
Scheutje² – “Dash”

2020.06.23 – Day 519

Bucket List Progress:
– Become a Chef: Make 1000 dishes (#52) – [1000/1]