“THIS IS IT!“
Crunchy Sweet Potatoes in Breadcrumb & Parmesan Coating.
Could anything be better on a Sunday evening?

I wrote the grocery list, jumped on the bike and rushed to the closest supermarket to fulfill my destiny.
It took me 30+ minutes of wandering to get 5 things.
At first, I was trying to do it alone; to “get familiar with the placement of things, so I’ll know where to go the next time I need something.”

After scanning through every shelf inch by inch, somehow I still couldn’t find what I needed.
Speaking a third language is one thing, but knowing the name of ingredients is another, trust me.
“Mag ik iets vragen?” [Can I ask something?] – I walked up to the store clerk next to me
– Natuurlijk [Of course] – he says with a smile and a warm blink
“Ik zoek naar paneermeel” [I’m looking for breadcrumbs]; nice question by the way.

He points it out on the exact shelf I was staring at for the last 10 minutes.
“Áh, dankjewel!” [Thank you!] But I still couldn’t see it
It took a long and awkward silence until my eyes finally stumbled upon the box of paneermeel.
I couldn’t have been more wrong when I thought that being clumsy starts at the process of cooking.

Alright, next item. Same shit, different minute.
I was gazing at every single label to find a specific cheese. 6 minutes passed, not a single Parmesan in the fridge.
“Mag ik iets vragen…”

The guy who said history repeats itself wasn’t joking.
Yet, with all this dedication to initiate a convo in Dutch, I can already see myself bargaining on a market to get better ingredients for harder recipes!

When I got home, I was delighted to find out that some of the eggs broke on the way; which is literally 400 meters/less than 2 minutes.
Everything was soaked in yolk, and I’m supposed to “enjoy the process” with a smile on my face.
Last time taught me how to deal with these: Just shut up and keep cooking.
That’s how you make a disaster into a fairly good dish.

After preparing all the ingredients, an aha moment revealed a tiny flaw in planning: There has to be something to dip these in; a sauce or cream. It hit me hard, and it hit me late.
“GARLIC!” A bright light bulb appears.
“Is it even possible to do home-made sauce out of garlic?” Google once again was the savior of the day.

According to 3 videos and 6 articles about sauce making: Definitely.
Lacking the right equipment? Nope, not really.
The thing is, we have to try anyway. If I wait until we have the perfect kitchen, I’ll never learn enough to become a [self-proclaimed] Chef; a Master of Cuisines.
The recipe said we need garlic, lemon, oil, salt and anything except a blender.
Luckily that’s exactly the only thing we had at home for such things.

Since the lemons were not planned, and thus missing, I asked my roommate to do a round 2 of groceries, while I prepare the potatoes for the evening.
Step 1) Slice them into fairly even pieces:

Step 2) Make the coating with the breadcrumbs, parmesan, oregano, garlic powder and pepper.

Step 3) One quick dip in the eggs, a firm roll in the bowl of crunchiness, and there you are, a baking sheet full of juicy pieces.

For some reason, this time the thought of failure wasn’t present.
The flavor might not be perfect, but I’m certain it won’t burn the house down, or end up completely inedible.
This feeling was the craziest, most unfamiliar from all of them.
After 23 years of being a master-disaster in the kitchen, I finally defeated the belief of being hopelessly retarded.

Alright, 30 minutes in the oven and let the real struggle begin.

Let’s peel the garlic and see whether imagination is indeed our only limit.
The video said I need a full cup of clovers, but
1) What does even a “cup” mean?
2) Why can’t they just use grams or millilitres like every other normal human being?
So I decided to peel half of what we had and blend it.

Long story short: It didn’t work, Google wasn’t kidding.
Time for Plan B: Hand blender.

It was slightly better, except that the pieces flew in every direction of the wind, defying gravity, along with every single physical law known to scientists. It went all over my face, eyes, panties – everywhere you wouldn’t want it, no matter how much I covered the bowl with my palm to prevent this from happening.

The best part is, after shooting them everywhere with a fighter jet’s velocity, it didn’t even end up creamy.
But oh boy, was it spicy. Death-Chili is a sweet candy compared to it. One micron of this garlic sauce could nuke an entire ant colony.

It was so strong, I could barely breathe after licking my fingers to test it.
Though I completely butchered the garlic, the potatoes turned out to be amazing.
This picture describes the results better than any word ever will:

It was warm, golden brown, crunchy and tasty.
Bon appetit/Jóétvágyat/Eet smakelijk!
Erik

28.06.2020 – Day 524

Bucket List Progress:
– Become a Chef: Make 1000 dishes (#52) – [1000/2]

PS: Kitchen aftermath, all victories come at a cost, even in cooking: