Psychedelics in Public – In today’s episode:

Watching a movie [Tenet] in 4DX and half an hour of cycling in the evening.
Does that sound insane? You bet it is.

We went together with my roommate, so there’d be a sober friend just in case.
With an ice-cream in his left and an apple in his right, he jumped on his motorbike and rode all the way to the cinema by my side. To add a little more spice, we used the “Transformers Attach” maneuver on roads where the police couldn’t catch us in the act. He’d speed up as I grabbed his shoulder for acceleration assistance.
The result is a bicycle rolling with 30+km/h without pedaling a single round.
“Watch out, I don’t have breaks on mine” – comes the remark just in time, though we managed to get to the cinema without a scratch.

At 18:10 I began chewing 10 grams of Psilocybe Mexicana – That’s only 2/3 of the full package.
The movie was about to start in a few minutes, so I made sure they’re completely mushed before swallowing it, which made it easier for my (empty) stomach to digest it.

We settled in our chairs with my roommate and witnessed an ad from every single soft-drink company you can imagine. They were trying to sell us freedom, pleasure, peace. All these words have nothing to do with a can of ice-tea, but they made it look like it’s the one and only thing missing from our Lives to make it complete.
Such an artistic trickery, yet it’s capable of making billions of profit every year.
At this point I was about 20 minutes away before the shrooms would start to kick in.

I didn’t know what to expect honestly, most of the time we simply talk, listen to music, enjoy nature or meditate.
That’s a chill “shroom-routine”. No screens, no movies – just friendly company and comfy surroundings.
Today it was the exact opposite.

In the beginning it didn’t seem like a big deal. I was very absorbed in the events that were happening on the screen. The storyline, the view, the acting. I remember seeing the wrinkles subtly twitch. The expressions, the posture, the speech. All of them in harmony to make every single scene in the movie an absolute masterpiece.

The difficult part began after the effects started to reach their peak. It wasn’t just the shrooms, but the tension in the movie. The lights became intense, the chairs shook harder, constantly jabbing my kidneys with medium intensity, while my hair was blown by high-pressure air released from the head rest behind my ears. All of these impulses were coming endlessly, and my body didn’t have time to process any of it.
It was like dumping a truckload of Mentos into a huge pool of Cola, and then completely sealing the top.
Every nerve cell in my body was boiling, unable to release. I’ve never experienced anything like this.

At the occasional moments of chill, I’d take deep breaths to loosen up a bit, then shift my focus back to the screen. I swear, some of the scenes were so artistic, it felt like reality. Christopher Nolan made everyone in the audience fell in Love with the woman on the screen, root for the Hero with tight fists and falling tears.
No matter the cheesy lines or the clichés, it was one of the most impactful movies that’s ever been made.

When the movie was over, it was 21:30 and dark already. The air was cold, but not freezing. A temperature somewhere between 14-16 degrees. I wore shorts and a shirt only, that’s it. Could’ve brought a sweater, but I thought “it’ll be okay”.
The catch was that our home was 30 min cycling away.
I knew that I was able to bike safely, regardless that my brain was in another galaxy, but I still couldn’t get a moment of silence and peace. The number of impressions just kept growing, making my chest feel like a volcano that’s about to erupt and melt everything around it.

Before getting on the bike, I was trying to put everything in my bag safely. The flask of water I brought was somehow unable to go back in, until I turned the peaky edge of the cap with 90 degrees, then it smoothly slipped in. 5 minutes of struggling solved with the slightest shift.
“How many issues in Life could be solved in an instant with a small change in perspective”
I thought to myself, completely baffled by the impact of such a tiny twist.

When you are on shrooms, even the most insignificant things can bring you the deepest insights with intense meanings. They’re extremely powerful, yet brief and fleeting.

The moment we left the parking place, the evening view of a lake – dimly lit by the window lights of the houses surrounding it – completely took over me. The tiny frames in the distance were shining in white, gold, orange and everything in-between. In that jiff, it was the most wonderful view in the galaxy.
I tried to capture it, feel it, absorb it; but with every second of pedaling the view became less and less mesmerizing, until it completely vanished.

Was it the right thing? To keep cycling without stopping? That moment felt like a needle in a haystack I’ve been searching for years, and I simply let it slip away. That’s all there is? A moment of beauty so short-lived, that we don’t even get to enjoy it?

All these thoughts were flooding my brain, pushing me into an existential-crisis, until a few seconds later we arrived to the city and the cycle began to repeat: The sight was astonishing. Everything was extraordinary. The architecture of the houses, the lights on the street – even the smell of the wind.

That’s when I finally understood it. We can never stop time, nor will we ever control it.
We can spend a lifetime chasing an ideal – that perfect time, feeling or place. We can run through Life thinking that this one flawless instant will fill our hole and makes us feel complete.
Once we had it, we can use our remaining time to reminisce about our past glories; how fulfilling Life was when we’ve reached it.
The catch is: None of these are in the now, none of these are here.

That view of the lake was perfect, but it passed, and I cannot retrieve it.
So was that place in the city, until the next second came, and it was gone again for all eternity.

The only place we’ll ever find fulfillment is in the very moment we exist in.

At this point we were one minute away from a bridge, about to get a panorama view over the whole City. Before the last turn, a guy passed in front of us with a huge bouquet of flowers – it was the size of  ~an adult husky.

“How strange” I thought
There are billions of lives, each of them with a unique set of problems, feelings and ideals.
One of them is about to fall in Love, the other is healing from a broken heart.
One has never picked up a guitar, the other has spent a whole Life playing songs.
A kid just lost his parents in a crash on the high road, while another couple was blessed with a child, even though they were told they could never conceive a baby on their own.
A man is about to achieve his first million, while another can barely afford to buy food.
One is brunette, the other is blonde.
A woman is struggling to get her math diploma, while the other is pursuing a degree in arts.
One is black, the other is white, some have a flawless physique, others are paralyzed for life.

An endless combination of issues, ideas and lifestyles, unique to every individual – buried or alive.
All of this on a tiny planet, lost in the ocean of endless stars.
Isn’t it something crazy to think about?

When we took the turn, my brother offered his shoulder to boost my bike, so we could use the speed of his small motorcycle and ride through the straight bridge with such a force that made the lamps’ lights melt and flow, just like the hyperspace jump in Star Wars.

I felt the wind play with my curly hair as we passed through, seeing our beautiful city in full, making this ride home a remarkable journey and unforgettable adventure.
The most interesting part was how we conjoined, working together with the accuracy of an atomic clock; two separate machines working as one, turning the wheel smoothly and in balance, without crashing and falling apart.

Life is so much more wonderful with friends who you can count on.
You can support, strengthen and push each other in the right direction.
Once you build a genuine connection with a strong foundation and a deep bond… Respect, nurture and appreciate it at every opportunity you’ve got – it’s one of the greatest treasures Life could ever bestow on us.

Seeing my friend with a body structure of a Greek God, sitting on a tiny scooter, trying to pull us uphill with the enthusiasm of a football fan, shouting from the top of his lungs: C’moooon! – until we made it to the top was the most hilarious thing I’ve witnessed in a long time. After a few minutes, both of us arrived – tired but unharmed.

This is the part where I say:
DISCLAIMER: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. [Or away from Home]
But honestly, you do whatever you want.

Just make sure to love more and hurt less while you do that.

Take care and good luck,
Erik

2020.09.16 – Day 604