Just how easy it is to forget the myriad of blessings we’re surrounded with.

I merely arrived home from an odd job of cleaning dorm rooms, only to realize that I got paid more for 7 hours of work than most people in my home country after a whole week of full-time labor.

The catch? There isn’t one.
It wasn’t even hard, let alone mundane or dull.

“How is this even possible?” – I asked myself, as I landed on the couch to witness another miracle of the Dutch culture:

My friend carefully opened a tiny wooden treasure chest, filled with the essential toolkit to craft a friendly evening: Paper, crutch, tobacco and the famous combo of weed & hash.
Steel grinder ready at his left, like a revolver waiting to bleed smoke the second it’s drawn to the hand.

With a lighter already on his lap, he began sprinkling a layer of tabak¹, followed by crumbles of weed, and a touch of hash.
– “Do you want to come?” – He asked, as he gently licked the glue with the edge of his tongue
“Yeah, man!”

I didn’t need to be convinced.
It was a long day, and I didn’t mind doing something (potentially) stupid.
He nodded, and made that notorious joint sealing twitch.
In a minute another J was on the way, and I was neither surprised, nor disappointed in his ability to prepare properly.

Before we would leave, my huisgenoot² served us a heavenly meal, garnished with fine fish, potatoes & greens as a side dish, mixed with spices that make you suck on all of your fingertips.
To put the icing on the cake, I devoured a bag of sweets, using sugar to satisfy my cravings and to tank up for the upcoming trip.

Midnight Apes

We headed out to “climb”. That was our aim.
To turn into monkeys and remove the shackles of modern life a bit; answering the seductive call of uncivilized living.

It took little to no effort to find a place where we could fool around and uncage our inner apes, feeling like the coolest 14-year-olds in the city. That feeling was certainly not diminished by the fact that our first stop was a schoolyard, with walls just high enough to call jumping around #hardcoreparkour.

I believe there is an agile Spiderman flowing in everyone’s veins, but for some people the degree of those genes is so minute, that they would rather turn into loan sharks who sell money for a living.

Have you ever seen a banker run around, jump or climb in his leather shoes and 6-piece suit?
They don’t know what they miss out on.

As a tip though, once you look at the world through the lens of “how I can do sick stunts without breaking my bones”, it becomes surprisingly easy to find the sweet spot between the edge of your comfort zone and your ability to do something cool.
(Isn’t that how it is with everything, though?)

When we warmed up well enough after playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for 20 minutes, there was a spark of inspiration to race to the roof of the building, but the security cameras kept our inner troublemakers at bay.

“Let’s go climb a tree!”  – my friend exclaimed.

The truth is, just like how money doesn’t grow on trees, trees that can be climbed don’t grow on trees either.
There was, however, one tree “not so far away” that was perfectly fit for conquering its peak.
Or so my friend claimed.

Without a gram of disbelief, we began strolling towards the forest on a well-lit road, with a just lit joint, drifting from hand to hand, as we were kissing smoke in the air.

The walk wasn’t long enough to make it a topic of complaint, we quickly reached the edge of modernity, as pure darkness greeted us at the entrance of the sea of trees. There were no street lights anywhere in the observable distance, and the branches were filtering out even the dimmest lights shining from the heavens.

The only thing you could see was the very end of the joint, dully lit, sparkling in cool orange as the blazing ash was making its way towards the tip.
The darkness absorbed everything, leaving nothing to the eye, except that small drop of flame that kept wandering from one’s mouth to the firm grip of another’s fingertips.

It felt strange to be embraced by the shadows, deep in the evening with no fear.
Is it my fantasy that died, or my beliefs?
As a kid the dark seemed frightening, governed by ghosts and monsters whose sole purpose is to catch you and dismember your body (if you were not quick enough to reach the safe haven under the blanket’s magical field of immunity)

Now it was just us and the deep silence of a forest, the sky covered in darkness, with the occasional glimmer of dim stars standing out like a Dutchman in an Asian land.

By now, we’ve walked quite a distance – left, right, across and back.
Straightforward was our direction at the moment.
– “We are nearby”
– “We are almost there”
– “I think I know where we are” – such sentences were raining every three minutes, just like Shrek’s Donkey, but in reverse – are we there yet?

Somewhere along the way our ‘pathfinder’ even picked up a long wooden branch to make the hiker guide experience slightly more authentic.

After the 8th or 9th time we’ve heard how ‘close’ we are to that mysterious tree in the middle of a roadless forest, it sounded more and more like we’re being led to a place from which we’ll only leave in a body bag and multiple pieces.

It didn’t help that he started slapping that thick log in his hands, with a satisfied smirk and thirsty eyes as a reaction to the serial killer jokes we cracked.

“It’s right around here, somewhere”
– Alright, for every time he says that, we get €1 as a payment” – I attempted to capitalize on this nonsense
“Okay, but then it counts from now on!” – he countered.

You bet your ass he didn’t open his mouth again.

It seemed like we’d never find that mythical tree with the perfect composition of branches.
A couple of minutes passed by in silence, as we walked around between the bushes, with no beaten path anywhere close to lead us out from the forest.
– “Áh, I know éxáctly where we are!” – he said for the 11th time, but this time with a certain kind of confidence that makes you believe every word he says.

In less than 30 seconds he stopped in the middle of a road, comfortably placed his hands on his waist and said:
“Gentlemen, we are here!”
We actually were.

At this point we were already high in our heads, so it was only proper if we did our best to physically achieve that state as well.
With a well-placed stone and angled flashlights oozing from our phones’ back, we could see the first ~10 meters of climbing path of the renowned tree we were searching all evening.

It was a spectacle indeed – breathtaking, even.

Man, was that tree gorgeous in every aspect. The branches were growing straight away from the trunk, thick and firm to hold our weight, with more than enough space to smoothly climb between them. This perfect spread of space and strength characterized every inch of bark and branch, all the way to the very top – which was still covered in darkness, revealed only to those who were brave enough to get there.

That piece of royal electric pole was born to be climbed, without a doubt.

My ape blood began boiling like the jacuzzies in hell, making me jump from branch to branch like a squirrel.
One foot after the other, I climbed higher and higher. I felt the invitation pulsing from the highest branches, calling me like the sweet songs of Sirens.

Though we smoked a joint under the way here, I did not forget about the most important rule of climbing anything without a safety rope attached:

Always have at least 3 solid points of contact firmly rooted as you ascend.
You never make a step with 2 loose limbs in the climbing process. At least 3, no less.

I remember looking down after climbing for 5 minutes. My friends were barely visible in a thin veil of light spreading from the flashes, filtered by an army of branches.
– You know, it’s better that we do it at night, actually – you can’t see the bottom, so you can’t get scared from how much you could fall from here.

Both of them agreed, though they were quite a few meters below me.
I climbed for another 3 minutes, carving out even more distance between them and me.
For a brief second, I looked around and noticed how bright it actually is once the stars are not obscured by the sea of leaves.

I don’t think I realized how high I am, and I’m not talking about smoking.
Luckily the moon illuminated the remainder of the tree, giving me the adrenaline shot to conquer its peak.

I’m not gonna lie, my forearms were burning. Saying that I was grasping for my life would hardly be accurate to describe the force I was clenching my fists with. Every 3-4 meters upwards came with a little safety break to minimize the risk of my tired muscles failing at a crucial branch-switch, leading to injuries from fatal to deadly, as gravity seduces my falling body.

Eventually I was less than 4-6 meters away from reaching the very top of the tree, when I looked around and suddenly froze in disbelief.
– This can’t be real…
I was above every single other tree, as far as my eyes could see.
How tall is this tree? – I asked myself, firmly gripping the branches around me.
The whole forest was visible from here.

All of a sudden I couldn’t climb any higher, the thought was terrifying enough to paralyze me.
If the importance of breathing had been unknown to me, I would’ve started to panic.
After recollecting myself for a brief minute, I told my friends that I’m on the way down, the top is off-limits.

In the meantime, they’ve found a very comfortable place to chill, somewhere around the middle of the tree – with a diminished interest to go any further from here.

While the way upwards was all fun and games, going downwards to meet them was a nightmare. It took double the amount of time and stress to come off than it did to climb it, given that I now knew how long of a falling would await me if I missed.

In about a quarter of an hour I reached them, caught them chilling on two wide branches just high enough to get decent view of the forest.

“It would’ve been pretty bad if someone just came here to take our phones and ran away” – my friend said nonchalantly

Indeed, we couldn’t have done shit. Climbing down took time, even with strength and skill. Eventually all 3 of us managed to get down without any injuries, which was the most important thing.

On landing, we dusted off our clothes and just stood there without saying a thing.
At one point my friend looked up, loudly exhaled, and proudly mentioned how he’s been coming back to this tree ever since he was a kid.
– You have a very… grounded relationship with this tree
“Your friendship has…roots” – added my roommate
“Yep, this apple didn’t fall far from the tree” – concludes my friend, and we start laughing until we run out of tears.

Once we’ve recovered from the pun-induced chuckling, we noticed an open field right next to the road not so far from the tree. A chorus of grasshoppers was playing a symphony, inviting their only audience to witness it. Only a rude hiker would’ve rejected it, so we joined them in the middle of the field and began stargazing to the sound of talented insects singing.

– Holy mother of God, look at this!
I pointed at the tree, now unobscured by the myriad of living logs surrounding it from every direction, except from the field.

– This must be at least… [I started measuring the distance between the ground and the crown] 33 meters, holy shit!
The fact that I was around 28m above the ground was both thrilling and shocking.
It really was the tallest tree the eye could see.
The Crown of the Forest, so to speak.

It took me a few seconds to digest what I’ve done and where I’ve been, but there wasn’t a single spark of regret after it. The moon was still smiling, glowing with a cheeky curve that’s just big enough to light the field.

“Let’s go home?” – the question came
“Yep, let’s call it a day” – we agreed, and my friend lit up the other J.

Lost and Found

“Where are we?” – my roommate was intrigued
“Yes!” – replied our gids³

We had absolutely no idea about which direction would lead back to the city, our GPS was obviously not working, and we were once again covered in the eternal darkness under the endless layers of leaves.

In that very moment, this wasn’t a slightly bit disturbing. I could literally feel a surge of testosterone circulating in my body – perhaps the exercise of climbing and a touch of bravery was enough reason for my brain to release it – making me feel at ease in my mind and confident in my body.

My friend began to truly embody the role of the leader, as he ruthlessly led the way with the thick stock of wood he found earlier. At one point it felt like he was Moses, splitting the sea of trees in the forest.

The funny thing is, he felt so confident on the way back, that he actually found a bright lamp shining in the distance.

At this point, he was either going to be Gandalf the Grey leading us out of the forest, or we’ll stumble into a hidden weed plantation/ecstasy lab guarded by the Chinese mafia with uzis and mondkapjes4.

Either way, our journey will probably end.

As we inched closer and closer, it seemed more and more like the lonely street lamp at the edge of civilization where we came in at the very beginning.
Turns out, we only had to turn twice and we were out of the forest completely.

We cheered, as my friend raised his wooden stock in glory, closing our journey with a flawless victory.
– Let’s keep that stick, and make it a relic! From now on, anyone who climbs that tree will be knighted with it, earning admission to our secret guild! – enthusiasm took over me

They both agreed, until my friend suddenly decided to smash his staff against the concrete the very next minute. It immediately shattered into multiple pieces, making us the only ones left who’ll ever bear the title:
‘The Princes of Pinecones‘

— El fin —

2021.08.11 – Day 933

Writer’s notes:

[NL] Tabak¹– Tobacco
[NL] Huisgenoot²– Flatmate
[NL] Gids³ – Guide
[NL] Mondkapjes⁴ – Mouth masks

Featured image: Angel Oak, Johns Island, South Carolina