A lot of people told me that it’s not going to be easy.

“Dutch people are cold and distant – they might be tolerant, but that does not equal acceptance. You can try as much as you want, but getting friends will always be the difficult part. Integration is hard, even if you learn their moedertaal¹, you’ll still be a foreigner in their eyes.”
This was the kind of “encouragement” I got when I moved to the Netherlands.

Since that, an entire year passed – and I realized something very important:
It’s the exact opposite of that.

“People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the World is also a confession of character.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson said that, and it sheds light on the core of this message:
We find what we look for, there is no way to escape that.

Today I had the opportunity to participate on an event, which was oriented over helping us awaken our greater selves and tap into resources we can’t usually access – To break down our barriers and grow into something better, which is one of our main desires.

How do you know what you’re capable of, if you see nothing but boundaries around you?
The limits that Society, the World, or maybe your inner circle placed in front of you.
We might not be aware of them though, because we’re so used to our routine and daily structure, that every challenge, every idea or thought is way too similar to produce a new outcome.

This is why the day started at 5 o’clock.
Waking up at 4 in the morning instantly breaks all of your patterns, so you can start the day without any of the common distractions. You interrupt the way you usually are, which opens you up for different ideas and thoughts – making it possible to induce the change you want.
Though my friends brought me there in a car, most people weren’t shy to take the bicycle or to walk.
They were committed to attend at all costs, because they could finally break the cycle and get a fresh start. A moment to leave behind the mistakes of the past and step on a new path that leads to better outcomes. Let it be health, career, social or financial ones – it was an opportunity to progress in all those, and that’s why none of us showed up late with an excuse.

We barely started to gather up at the cafeteria, you could already feel that everyone is welcome. People went around to introduce themselves and ask the others who they are, just to get to know the like-minded humans who were crazy enough to wake up at 4 am to experience this with us.
Soon we found ourselves in a sports hall, where we gathered in a half-circle around our guides/tutors: Cees and Bassou, who made sure this day is going to bring us value.

After a brief introduction, they put us into groups.
We were built randomly, so you couldn’t avoid interacting with new people, which meant a chance for new friendships, and the opportunity to discover how others live and think. A little bonding exercise in the beginning helped us to overcome the initial trust building phase, so we could connect more honestly.
When we finished, they asked us to stand up one by one and share our reasons – WHY we made the decision to come along and participate today. The most surprising part: Everyone did it. People didn’t shy away from the task, even though they had to speak in front of a crowd of 25+ individuals. Undivided attention is not something we usually get in our daily lives, which makes it challenging to speak up. But not for these guys – they came here to leave their comfort zones behind, and none of them let fear come out on top. It was funny to be the only foreigner guy. When I stood up to share my thoughts, no one gave a judgmental response. It wasn’t even half past 5, but I already knew that the decision I made was right.
Being here is no waste of time.

One by one, we talked about what we find important and wrote it on a white-board. The variety of World-views were talloze², but there was one thing in common: Growth.
The main goal for all of us was to become more of what we are, nurturing the good parts and getting rid of the bad ones. Mindset, habits, thoughts – improve the ones that help us and leave behind everything that’s harmful to us. That’s what we want. To overcome our obstacles, to don’t get stuck.

After we filled it with inspiring thoughts and mantras, they stepped the game up by setting a goal for everyone: Do 220 burpees, divided between your teammates – within a time-frame of 15 minutes.
It might sound easy, until you realize that everyone who is not doing burpees at the moment must hold a position like a plank, bear claw or a Bruce lee sit-up. No rest was allowed for anyone, which helped to develop a stronger bond, since we could rely on the effort and trust of the people around us.
We made it with 10 seconds left on the clock, nay, when the game was done, we all did 5 more at once. A well-deserved high five landed on every palm – our mentality knew no roadblocks.

Right after sweating our soul off, we had a 5-minute pause to eat some bananas and get some oxygen in our blood. The smile on our faces was still up, not even the lack of breath could wipe it off. This is when they handed us  papers to set goals. Goals that drive us to achieve more and more.
“If you can’t read in Dutch, I can translate for you” – The warm offer came without hesitation, their awareness of others was surely a sign of good will and a lack of ego. How often do you meet people who think about what might trouble you? Everyone is so busy with the problems of their own, it’s very easy to forget that there are other people around you, and they also have struggles.
Luckily the idea was simple and easy to capture, we had to declare our intentions.
They gave us a deadline and a structure, which made the goal setting process easier.
What mindset do we need to achieve our goal? What system, skill or tool is necessary to make it possible? When you can see the whole plan on paper, it’s hard to justify the excuses for inaction or laziness.

Our hearts were still not rustig³, the exercises made sure that we stay energetic for the rest of the occasion, so they scheduled some time for old-school meditation. An instructor with decades of experience came to give a lesson on how to calm our nerves. Breathing techniques, movement flows, and a kind of challenge that gave us some perspective on what we’re capable of.
We had to bend our knees a little, raise our arms to chest level and stay like that for seemingly endless minutes. Our shoulders would burn like a furnace in the Devil’s kitchen. We held it as long as we could, even if the pain was unbearable, because no one else let it go, so why would you? The strength of the entire group made it possible to stay together and hold it until it’s over.
“Don’t fight it. Relax your muscles” Came the advice from the instructor, which proved to override every circuit in your brain telling you that you can’t take it no more. The pain vanished as if it wasn’t even born, and holding your arms became as easy as eating ice cream or fried potatoes. If I had to do this alone, I wouldn’t have survived for half the amount – yet together we overcame this mental barrier, proving something incredible: Our limitations are way further than we imagine. Every single one of us did it, collectively. This is the kind of mentality you want to surround yourself with.

If you could experience this – one single glimpse into the potential you’re carrying, the beliefs you set for yourself would have no limits. You could pursue your Dream without the fear of being unable to achieve it. That’s what it’s all about, showing you that everything you want is well withing reach.

“The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible.”

– Arthur C. Clarke

Now that they helped us to set goals and have developed the mindset for fearless pursuit, it was time to learn about who you are, and how others see you.
We were given question to elaborate on, each of us got the opportunity to learn something new and to give some value.

What was your first impression [of me]?
When was the last time you’ve learned about how you’re perceived? You have your own set of rules, thoughts, manners or behaviors – and there is no one else on planet Earth who is capable of seeing those, except you. So what do they see? An impression of your character, which gives them a foundation to build on when they interact with you. Imagine how much you could learn, if you only asked a handful of people about their impression of you as a stranger. Wouldn’t it be invaluable to know what vibes you give off, the energy you carry with yourself? It gives you a solid base to know what to work on, if you want your interactions to become more pleasant and joyful.

What is your biggest fear to overcome?
This makes you see the bigger picture on what holds us back and what causes our struggles. The fear of failure, not being enough, or being unable to impact the World – we all have our own battles, and it’s good to know that the problems we face are not unique or unsolvable.

This kind of feedback gives us a broader perspective and a different mindset to operate on – that’s how you discover the root cause. From then on, it’s easier to fight our battles.

We’ve covered almost every single roadblock that can constrain us – our beliefs of what we’re capable of, a detailed plan to achieve our goals, but there is one more thing that could still reduce the pace of our growth:
Being judged by others for doing something unusual – by not following the crowd and choosing to step on a path of our own, we might begin to feel uncomfortable.
This is where they gave us the exercise to express what’s in us, through movement, more specifically through dancing. The music gave us a rhythm to play with, but the way you moved to it was entirely free. It can be quite challenging to do that in front of everybody – which is exactly why we did it. The last piece of the puzzle was to throw off our chains, and let us fly without being afraid of what people think. The confidence it gives is what most people want or need, but rarely, if ever achieve. Being able to follow your heart takes courage and discipline. The ones who do will always be rewarded, and the way to live like that is through being firmly grounded, not being pushed into doubt, imbalance or getting restricted by the judgement of others.

“I have often wondered how it is that everyone loves himself more than anyone else, but rates his own judgement of himself below that of others.”

– Marcus Aurelius

When the day was over, they asked us to share our experiences.
The people who stood up and talked about were brave, open and honest. These words describe them better than anything else.
They weren’t afraid to share their pain, struggles or challenges. A great reminder that none of us are perfect, and we all have our burdens. No Life is free of battles, but the ones who face them can emerge and win against all the odds or circumstances.

These are the takeaways of how it felt to be there.
Thank you for letting me be a part of that.
Erik

2020.01.25 – Day 369

[Dutch Dictionary]
Moedertaal ¹ – Native language
Talloze ² – Countless
Rustig ³ – Calm, quiet